A Guy Walks into A Bar Jokes

Hand-picked hilarious jokes about guys walking in bars




In this article: the best guy walking into a bar in the world

Related tags: a guy walks into a bar jokes, guy walks into a bar, guy walks into a bar joke, a guy walks into a bar


Panda Walks into A Bar...

A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer. After he drinks it, he stands up pulling out a gun and shoots everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda pays for his drink and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks the panda why he shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia for the answer.

The bartender looks up "panda" later that day:

"Panda: A large black and white mammal native to China. Eats shoots and leaves."

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 A Guy Walks into a Bar: "Jesus Christ" Switch to 720p for HD.



Other Guy Walking into a Bar Jokes

Drunk Guy Walks into a Bar
A drunk walks into a bar...
"OUCH!" he says."

***

Blonde Walks into a Bar
Two blondes walk into the bar... You'd think one of them would of seen it...

***

Jesus Walks into a Bar
So Jesus walks into a bar and says: "I'll just have a glass of water, please."

***

Caesar Walks into a Bar
Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says.
The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks," Don't you mean a martini?"
"Look," Caesar replies, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it.
Now, give me my martinus!
"

***

And One for The Road
A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please. And one for the road."

***
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 A Guy Walks into a Bar: "What's your Name?" Switch to 720p for HD.


Book Walks into a Bar
A book walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "Please, no stories!"

***

Another Drunk Guy Walks into a Bar
A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out because he is way too drunk. The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk. Again the drunk guy walks into the bar. The bartender is just about the throw him out when the drunk looks at him and asks: "Hey man, how many bars do you own, anyway?"

***

Lawyer Sits at a Bar
Guy walks into a bar and yells: "All lawyers are a$$holes."
The man at the end of the bar screams: "I object!"

***

Old Man Walks into a Bar
An old-man in his 90s walks into a bar and takes a seat next to an attractive woman in her 70s. Hoping to score, he looks at her asking: "Excuse me, do I come here often?"

***

Innocent Guy Walks into a Bar
A guy walks into a bar. Bartender asks: "How's it going pal?"
"Okay, I guess. Holding my own," answers the man.
"That's good," replies the bartender. "You'd get arrested if you held someone else's."

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 A Man Walks into a Bar: "Missing Girlfriend." Switch to 720p for HD.


Irishman Walks into a Bar
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for three rounds, all at once.
So the bartender serves him but says to the man:
"Sir, you'd enjoy them better if I served them to you one at a time."

The Irishman replies:
"No, it's a tradition. Back in Dublin, my brothers and I would all go to the pub and have a round together. I moved here recently but I want to keep the tradition."

Touched by the story, the bartender served the rounds and went about his business.
The Irishman returned for several nights...
One night, the Irishman comes in and only orders two rounds.
The bartender shaken, asks: "What happened buddy? Did one of your brothers die?"
The Irishman replies: "No mate... I quit drinking."

***

Dickens Walks into a Bar
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks: "Olive or twist?" (reference to author's second novel, Oliver Twist)

***

Magician Does not Walk into a Bar
A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar.

***

Edison Walks into a Bar
Thomas Edison walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says: "Okay, I'll give you a beer. Just don't get any ideas!"

***

Drunk Guys Walk into a Bar
Two guys walk into a bar... The third one ducks.

***

Inkjet Cartridge Walks into a Bar
An inkjet cartridge walks into a bar.
The bartender asks: "You need a refill?"

***

Pregnant Woman Walks into a Bar
A pregnant woman walks into a bar, and is soon approached by a guy:
"Can I sit here with you?" She replies:
"Sorry, but I'm expecting someone."

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 A Guy Walks into a Bar: "Where's The Manager?" Switch to 720p for HD.


Soccer Ball Walks into a Bar
A soccer ball walks into a bar. The bartender kicks her out.

***

Peanuts Walk into a Bar [1]
A man walks into a bar, sits down and hears a whisper saying: "You look nice today."
A few minutes later he again hears the whisper: "That's a nice shirt."
The guy asks the bartender: "Who said that?"
The bartender replies: "The peanuts. They're... complimentary!"

***

Peanuts Walk into a Bar [2]
Two peanuts walked into a bar... And one was a-salted."

***

Goldfish Walks into a Bar
A goldfish walks into a bar and looks at the bartender.
The bartender asks: "What can I get you?"
The goldfish replies: "Water."

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 A Guy Walks into a Bar: "Your Mom." Switch to 720p for HD.


Neutron Walks into a Bar
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender gives him the beer down saying: "For you, no charge!"
(neutron = an elementary particle with no charge)

***

A Man Walks into a Bar: The Dog
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog.
The man asks: "Does your dog bite?"
The lady answers, "Never!"
The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
The guy says angry: "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The woman replies: "He doesn't. This isn't my dog."

***

Dyslexic Walks into a Bar
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
(dyslexic = a person who has difficulty reading)

***

Horse Walks into a Bar
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender asks: "So, why the long face?"


Guy Walks into a Bar New Jokes

After the video, some original jokes by me. I hope you like them.

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 A Guy Walks into a Bar: "Obsessive Compulsive." Switch to 720p for HD.


Vampire Walks into a Bar
Damon from walks into a bar.
The bartender asks: "What can I get you?"
"I'll have a bloody Mary," replies the vampire.

***

Lady Gaga Walks into a Bar
walks into a bar...
The bartender asks: "So, why the poker face?"

***

Britney Spears Walks into a Bar
Britney Spears walks into a bar and asks for a lemonade.
After finishing it, she addresses the bartender:
"Hit me baby one more time."

***

Bar Walks into a Guy
A guy walks into a bar, but a bar cannot walk into a guy.
[Uh? WTF?!]

***

Bieber Walks into a Bar
walks into a bar...
[Hahahaha!]

***

Aniston Walks into a Bar
Jennifer Aniston walks into a bar...
The bartender asks: "What can I get you?"
"I'll have a SmartWater please," says Jennifer.
The bartender brings her regular tap water.
"That's the *smartest* water I ever drank," says Jennifer.
"It sure is," replies the bartender.

***

Mom Walks into a Bar
Your mom walks into a bar...
[Muhahaha!]



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